14th February; a very special day

This is a very special day for me. It was 6pm in the cold Oregon winter back in 2005. Just as I was about to log-off from my office, an IM came in from a friend; “Mariam dah takde” (“Mariam is gone”).

I just froze. Mariam was my 2yr old baby, whom I missed so much during my travel, and was just 1 wk away until I’m back in M’sia. I broke down terribly. I took the first flight out but it was a long 36hr journey back home. The load was made heavier as 3-quarter of my luggage was nothing else but the clothes and shoes I bought for Mariam. These stuff, I’d lay them down all over my hotel's room, every single night and smiled to myself, imagining just how cute Mariam would look like in it. It was a long tough journey.

Back in M’sia, it was early morning of 15th February. Sara had a motherly instinct and decided not go to work. And when Mariam peacefully departed, she was in her mother's loving cuddle. Hundreds of people came moments later, only to find Mariam, still in Sara’s cuddle. It was hard to let go. And it was Tuesday. The day I was born.

I reached Malaysia on Thursday morning. Sara fetched me at the airport, with only 3mth old Marsha to keep her company. She didn’t want anyone else to be there. And when we met, it was our moment. We just hugged and did not speak a word. At that moment, deep inside, I still had a tint of denial. I still wish this whole thing was a dream. That was 3 years ago. And we still miss her terribly.

We love you so much.